The Words shared by My Father That Helped Me during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You require some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider inability to communicate between men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - taking a short trip away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."