Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's leading comedians spent their evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial program that allows international individuals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. A government page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note here to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, with significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.